Broken Corset

I almost hate to admit it, but the truth is, I’ve probably read more words in Dear Abby columns than in all other written sources combined.  Well, maybe that’s an exaggeration when you consider the length of the average Dear Abby column.  And yet, up until my move to Northern California a year ago, where I’ve chosen to receive a newspaper that doesn’t carry the column, I’d been a devoted Dear Abby reader since about 8 years of age.  It was my favorite morning activity as a child, getting MY part of the newspaper.  I would eagerly seek out Abby and Ann Landers every morning as my parents enjoyed their coffee and the front page.  Through the letters and advice I became acquainted with the marriage concerns, budget woes, child rearing issues, neighborly complaints, etiquette dos and don’ts and pet peeves of the average American.  I also became well acquainted with the generally common sense approach to problems that both authors advocated. 

I even remember my great disappointment when somewhere during my later elementary school years one of two famous sisters came to speak in our small Montana town, and I didn’t get to go.  They were, in my mind, the people with the best answers to everything. 

A friend pointed out the Dear Abby column from today (2/20) to me and I was happy to read its support of my views of the church/state separation in regards to marriage equality.  It is heartening to think that across the country, 8 year olds like me are being exposed to a common sense dialogue on this issue. 

I don’t think I’ve even done an update on our approach to marriage since the passage of Prop. 8, so here it is…

After careful contemplation and research following the passage of Proposition 8, my husband and I elected not to officially divorce.  Truthfully, it would have been our preference to end our participation in civil marriage while it remains a discriminatory institution, and I applaud anyone who has chosen such a course.  However, in our tight financial situation, with Domestic Partnerships open only to same gendered couples, we didn’t find ourselves able to protect our family and children adequately without the benefits conveyed by legal marriage.  (As Doctor Laura would probably HATE to hear me say, I am my children’s mother!)However, while it may be a small protest, we have stopped wearing our wedding rings.  We decided that at the least, we would not continue to publicly designate ourselves as “married”.  We would not wear a symbol of the discriminatory institution that is readily seen and acknowledged as a statement of participation in the exclusionary institution.  And we will continue to do our part to spread the message that church marriage and civil marriage should be separate institutions.  Anything less chooses one religious viewpoint over another, and leaves little protection of religious freedom for ALL of us.  

Thanks Dear Abby.