50 some odd years ago, a young man was coming of age in his conservative Christian family in a small town in Colorado. They probably didn’t seem conservative actually in that small town, as regular church attendance and an attitude of general adherence to biblical doctrine were relatively common – both for the time period and location. In fact, the church was the community, it defined the family. Covered dish dinners and weekend picnics with other church families were probably the norm.
By all accounts, life in the family was generally happy. The parents had a solid and loving relationship – one that would be counted as unusually good by close friends and family who remembered the couple lovingly at silver and golden anniversaries before mourning the loss of the patriarch. The family was comfortable economically, partly attributable to a careful budget and the rest to hard work and luck. The two boys, four years apart, while not exceptionally close, were amicably friendly.
Of course, the oldest son, as he entered his adolescence was expected to find the general bumps in the road experienced by all adolescents…. an awkwardly developing body, the intermittent worry of feeling left out and trying to fit in. But somehow, for this young boy, it was even more difficult. A constant feeling of not belonging road his coattails wherever he went, and the years passed by with more awkward moments than most that age experience.
Dating for this young man was never easy. There wasn’t the glib and happy feeling of “first love” – or a sense that he couldn’t stop thinking about a coveted young girl. It was all nerves – the feeling of having a blindfold over the eyes as one tries to navigate an unknown country… not speaking the language, or knowing the customs, and finding only failure, running into the brick wall at every turn.
Nonetheless, the young man persisted along, leaving his small town and pursuing an education, and eventually earning two masters degrees. Finally, meeting a woman with whom he felt comfortable, beginning a family with his own daughter and son.
As happens for all young people becoming adults, the man expanded his realm of experience. He traveled, visited with others, questioned the beliefs he’d been raised with, coming back to many of them, but along the way developed his own sense for who he was. Within this time of discovery came the slow awakening of an always known, but never recognized, truth. The man was gay.
Together with his wife, he faced the truth. The pain experienced by both is generally unaccounted for… left buried somewhere, and maybe for good reason. Yet together they made a decision to move forward, spending the next 15 years much as they had spent the previous several – as good friends, as husband and wife, father and mother… raising the two children in the family each had envisioned, but without the traditional marital relationship. They didn’t divorce, only acquired twin beds. They shared a room, many glasses of wine and good discussions, parented equally and carefully – putting their children ahead of what must have been their personal sadness and sense of loss.
The son and daughter of this man grew to be teenagers before they ever had an inkling that their family was “different” from other families. In fact, the peace and calm within the house, the even-keeled parenting, and the obvious friendship between mother and father taught them that maybe their family was better.
The “difference” finally came to light, towards the end of the children’s own adolescence. As all children do, they traveled, questioned, and eventually accepted their family – coming back to the idea that it had been a happy place to grow. The man and his wife, successful in the raising of daughter and son, eventually divorced, allowing each to search for their own romantic happiness, but remained close friends. The son and daughter succeeded in school and their respective careers, began families of their own, contributed to society in their unique ways. The man retired, and found joy in living near his grandchildren, contributing his love, time, and attention to the now young and growing family in immeasurable ways.
Proposition 8. This is my final appeal as the vote draws near, and this time, it’s personal.
I am the daughter of that gay man, this is the story of my father, the loving “Bapa” to my children, and one of my closest friends.
My dad wasn’t the traditional dad in many ways. He never enjoyed sports, never tossed the football with my brother – didn’t throw down a beer out by the BBQ with his buddies. I actually laugh when I try and picture that. But he was a father in every way that matters. He loved us unconditionally, he put our needs ahead of his own, he advised us, counseled us, listened to our problems, shared his wisdom, encouraged us and trusted in us as he set us free to become adults. When we first learned about our different family, he stood back and gave us space to figure it out – while always being available to discuss our questions.
The fear-mongering tactics of the Yes on Proposition 8 campaign turn my stomach.
Proponents of Proposition 8 tell us that children will be taught about homosexual marriages in school. This is absolutely false. California has NEVER dictated teaching on marriage, AND has some of the strongest disclosure and opt-out laws for parents regarding any sexual education their children receive in school.
Proposition 8 proponents try and claim that theirs is not a campaign against homosexuals, only in favor of traditional marriage and family. Fine. But to me, and many like me, raised in a “non-traditional family” (whatever its outside appearances) – this is a bigoted attempt at exclusion. To claim that a dedicated gay couple is incapable of creating the foundation of family provided to me by my parents, simply because they are the same gender is obviously ridiculous and I take it personally. Proposition 8 is an attack on my family, on gay couples, on civil rights, and honestly – on ANYONE who values the opportunity to practice their religious freedom in the United States. When I think about my dad as a young man struggling to find his way in a culture that didn’t include him, when I think about his dedication to our family, his sacrifices, I don’t need a study to tell me; there are no choices here.
Family is what you make it. There are millions of unhappy heterosexual couples raising children in environments where frying pans fly across the kitchen at one another. There are parents who undermine each others attempts at discipline, who never discussed their value systems before bearing children, only to find afterwards that they are completely different.
When my father grew up, in that small town, Christian environment in Colorado, his world view didn’t include gay people. He tried so hard to make his life fit the “traditional” model - and it just didn’t work. We cannot continue to refuse to accept and welcome our gay brothers and sisters into the family. We should not refuse to allow them to build a traditional family of their own, with two parents and children, joined together in marriage. By excluding and discriminating against these couples, these families, we are creating further division in society. We are telling them they don’t exist, not on an equal plane with the rest of society. We are elevating one form above the other, saying “your person, the way that you are, is not equal to mine”. We sow the seeds of self-hatred and doubt that many of them struggle with. This is about civil rights and equality of man. Proposition 8 is a form of separate but equal, and if we know anything about history, we should know that is inherently discriminatory.
And if it is about God, it should be about acceptance. Whose God teaches discrimination? Whose God asks those here on Earth to judge? And if you value your ability to practice your religion, whatever it’s particular belief system, you should also value the First Amendment. A particular brand of Christianity may not always be the dominant force in society, but as long as the United States is here, so will be the First Amendment. The second that we allow a religious determination of our laws, we have undermined its value, and its protection for all.
My father will be here, in my home, in a short time. My children call him “Bapa” after my oldest’s earliest attempts at “Grandpa” failed. Whatever happens with Proposition 8, my husband and I will raise our children to respect gay couples and gay families, to respect their grandfather and treat any partner of his as a grandparent. They will grow to know that what matters most in the building of your family is not the gender of the person that you partner with, but the partnership itself. It is the dedication of the relationship, the solid foundation of love and friendship, and the thoughtful approach to parenting that help to ensure success. These are the elements that will help you raise children who value their family, who will stand up to protect it from those that try and tear it down.
Those like the proponents of Proposition 8. Proposition 8 doesn’t protect families, dedicated parents do. Proposition 8 only succeeds in spreading hate and fear – and tries to claim that people like my dad – and children like me - don’t belong, that our family doesn’t count. I can tell you quite simply, that isn’t true. The laws of our country should respect all families – those like mine, and those just a little bit different… Those where the parents have a romantic relationship, based on a greater self-understanding than my father initially had. Those where the couple commits to each other, and works at raising children in a peaceful and productive environment, regardless of the obstacles in the way. My family might have fit the “traditional” picture, while many gay couples build families that have a more “traditional” love. Either way, what matters most is the commitment to the family, the dedication to the relationship and to the children. That’s what I learned in my family, and it’s a pretty good lesson for children…. even if they won’t teach it in school.
Every time I see a “Yes on Proposition 8 – Protect Our Families” sign I feel it. The ignorance, the discrimination, the fear. This time, it’s about me, my family, my dad – and so many others like him. And so I write here, and this time, it’s personal, and now you know why.
Vote NO on PROPOSITION 8. EQUALITY FOR ALL – for my family, for my dad.
(And if you’re wondering- Yes. My mother deserves an entire other column… but we’ll save that for another time.)
Oh wow. That is such a profoundly emotional story, and you told it so well. While this issue doesn’t hit quite so close to home for me, it is of interest because I have so many friends who are gay, and really shouldn’t have to find it any harder to find and enjoy love than anyone else. If I lived in California, I would have surely voted no on Proposition 8.
Comment by sospokesaroj — October 26, 2008 @ 7:41 pm
The matter has been settled! Jesus himself says NO on Prop 8. That does it for me!
Comment by Reverend JOE Baytzim — October 26, 2008 @ 7:47 pm
When considering how you might vote on proposition 8 consider this question: Which parent – the father or the mother – should a child be without? It’s so sad that your father could not endure with your mother and that he left her. Marriage is about being selfless. Leaving a wife to find sex and intimacy with another person doesn’t sound very selfless. Yes on 8.
Comment by Ella Porter — October 26, 2008 @ 8:54 pm
And there, in Ella Porter’s response, you see the sort of irrelevant nonsense being used to sell Proposition 8. You see, Proposition 8 doesn’t stop same-sex couples from having children, in any way. Plenty of same-sex couples in California already have children, and their right to do so is strictly protected. However, in their selfishness and demand for special rights for folks-like-them, these pro-8-ers are trying to assure that the two parents raising a child are not married.
Comment by Nat Gertler — October 26, 2008 @ 10:32 pm
Sara,
I remember when your parents were going through their divorce. I never knew the details, but now that I do I am teary eyed at their dedication to their children and family. They did the best they could, didn’t they? Thank God for loving parents like yours! And thanks for sharing your story. This was your best post yet.
As for commenter #3, I say to you I was one of those children whose parents were in a violent and unhealthy heterosexual marriage. My mother gave and gave selflessly in that marriage. She shouldn’t have. Nothing we do is about being selfless. We must take care of ourselves so that we can take better care of others. Try to remember everyone’s background and experiences are different and personal. When I was a child, I wished my father would leave. He never did. You must be speaking from a totally different perspective than me. No on prop 8. Equality for all, not those who are deemed worthy by you or anyone else. Having Sara’s childhood sounds pretty good to someone like me.
Comment by jenstate — October 27, 2008 @ 2:56 am
Sara,
Thank you for this beautiful post! I think of my own children (I’m a gay dad with kids from a straight marriage) and worry about how I’ve affected their lives. all indications are that my children are just fine. Thanks for leaving this testament here for all to see!
Steve
Comment by keltic — October 27, 2008 @ 4:58 am
Sara,
I will preface this by saying that I am voting yes on 8.
I believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman. I believe that children have the right to be born into families with a mother and a father who love and respect them as well as each other. I don’t feel as though I am ignorant or intolerant for believing this way. There are examples already of gay marriage being taught in schools in Massachusetts and I don’t think that it is crazy to think that California will do the same. My second grader has been learning about families in school.
In San Diego two doctors are being sued for not artificially inseminating a lesbian couple due to religious reasons. The couple was referred to someone who would do the procedure. Religious rights are being taken away from the doctor. So I don’t think that a No on 8 does mean equality for all. (Now I’m not saying that the doctors rights are above those of the lesbian couple, but it seems as though rights will be given up for some groups)
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2007-08-02-doctors-side_N.htm
There are also Catholic adoption agencies which have closed their doors and sadly stopped operating due to the same thing. Many will say this is discriminatory but religious freedom was also discriminated against in this instance.
http://www.boston.com/news/local/articles/2006/03/11/catholic_charities_stuns_state_ends_adoptions/
I teach my children to be respectful and to accept others and to stand up for what they believe in. I realize that I am in the minority here. It’s not always easy being a conservative living in a liberal state, but I love California and appreciate the diversity that comes with it!
This is such a passionate subject for many and I can understand why it is for you. Thank you for sharing your story.
Karyn
Comment by Karyn — October 27, 2008 @ 7:44 pm
Karyn,
Initially, your response sounds good – and I appreciate the respectful way that you delivered it. I can almost find myself thinking… that’s true, it’s about her rights too. But then I wonder, her rights to what?
Fundamentally, I do not understand what rights are being LOST by those who oppose same-sex marriage. You will still have the right to be blessed in your spiritual union within your church (which will not bless same-sex unions). You will still retain your civil rights as well.
You will not retain the right to impose your view of marriage (which is religiously based) on those who do not share it – but I don’t see how that was your right to start out with.
It is not your right, or a part of YOUR religious freedom, to keep others from practicing theirs. I disagree with your viewpoint, I believe in a God who sees it differently. Should Yes on 8 win, my marriage will be defined by your religious beliefs. Letting each couple who chooses enter the CIVIL institution of marriage does not preclude your church from excluding them from its own blessing and covenant. When a civil contract is entered into, it really is separate from the blessing of God.
I mean really, is God compelled by our laws to bless unions with which he/she disagrees? What powerful diety would be?
Also, to suggest that children require a male and female specifically to raise them assumes that all men are the same, that all women contribute the same to the family. This is a little bizarre to me. I know many women who can build homes, and many men who nurture and cook meals. I find it a strange concept that my vagina enables me to provide something fundamentally different than my husband’s penis allows him.
I also have trouble accepting that true respect and acceptance can be taught through a separate but equal mentality. I’m guessing that the African Americans drinking out of separate drinking fountains didn’t feel particularly accepted or respected. I don’t know though, maybe that’s just me.
(On the whole doctor thing… well… that is a huge can of worms which I will not open for now… but will address sometime in a later post!)
Thanks for joining the discussion.
Sara
Comment by saracallow — October 28, 2008 @ 7:42 am
It seems that so many of the supporters of Prop 8 operate from the viewpoint that their straight marriage is superior to that of gay marriages. They want to exclude gays and lesbians from their club. But we are talking about a CIVIL contract here, not a religious sacrament. If the gov’t makes it available, it needs to be available to all, equally.
it doesn’t matter if some people don’t like the fact that gay people exist; it doesn’t matter if being gay is by choice or by nature; it doesn’t matter what people believe about the behaviors of gay & lesbian people. What matters is that gay & lesbian people are here, and as citizens of this country, deserve the respect, and CIVIL rights that all other citizens enjoy.
California Supreme Court did not overturn anything; it simply said that the state constitution does not bar gays from marrying. Prop 8 writes discrimination into the constitution, and by a popular vote that requires a simple majority. Even the legislature has to have a supermajority (2/3rd’s) to amend the constitution. Voting yes on Prop 8 sets a dangerous precedent; when another majority decides to ban some smaller group, all that will be needed is another proposition placed on the ballot: White, Evangelical/Fundamentalist Christians, beware! You’re a shrinking group. Perhaps a larger group will rally to have your civil rights voted away by Prop 9.
Comment by keltic — October 28, 2008 @ 10:07 am
Since proposition 8 was introduced I have thought over and over how gay marriage personally affects me. I feel like my rights will be affected more than my marriage. I believe my religious freedoms and my rights as a parent, with children who attend public schools are at risk.
My religion does not allow same sex marriage, but will my church still have the right not to perform marriages for same sex marriage if prop 8 passes? Will we be sued if we refuse? I believe that God loves all of his children the same. I also believe he gave us laws and commandments to follow. Does he love those more that follow these laws? No, I don’t believe he does. But I do believe that the laws of marriage were established in the Bible by Him.
Are my children going to learn about gays and lesbians? Of course they are. But I want to be the one to teach them, not the public schools. Again we learn from the Massachusetts example that parents will not have the notification or right to take their children out of school when homosexuality is being taught. Even as recently as last week kindergarteners here in California were taught about homosexuality. At this young age they don’t even need to know what happens between heterosexuals. There is a time appropriate for learning that.
http://www.worldnetdaily.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=78829
Nowadays life is too hard to have the traditional roles that males and females have played in the past. Both mothers and fathers need to pitch in. My husband plays an active role in the nurture of our children; I’ll also brag a little about him and tell you that he is the one that does dishes after dinner! I take cars in to be fixed and taught our son to ride his motorcycle. No matter what our “roles” are I feel that it is important to have both a father and a mother. Sara you were raised by a mother and a father. I understand that your father is gay but his gender as a male did play a specific role in the rearing of you. Tomorrow morning I have my ultrasound for my baby and get to find out the sex! (I’m so excited and can’t wait!) I feel that gender plays an essential role of who we are. I read pedrobot’s blog today as well (I think this is a mutual friend of ours from high school) anyway his post was on finding a good male role model for himself because he felt the absence of it throughout his life. I wonder if children (adopted or created through artificial insemination) who are raised by same sex couples feel anything missing without a parent of the other gender.
Keltic- I do feel like I belong to a shrinking group. I have felt persecuted for believing the way I do because I know it is not the politically correct thing to do. I can quickly name 3 neighbors of mine who have had their Yes on 8 signs vandalized and have been called names just for displaying what they believe is right, but I continue to feel strong about marriage between a man and a woman.
I also wonder if I lose all of these rights, what is to be gained by gay marriage. Is it the word marriage? These are the rights that I want protected. I do foresee my rights being taken away as a parent if my children remain in public schools and my freedom of religion as well.
Thanks again for letting me join in the conversation.
Karyn
Comment by Karyn — October 28, 2008 @ 7:37 pm
Karyn,
I have a father and still lacked a good male role model in my life. Having both a mother and father does not guarantee that a child will have respect, love, and proper care. What you feel you are protecting by voting Yes doesn’t even exist in many current heterosexual relationshipts. If you feel so strongly that a child deserves two loving respectful parents, one male and one female, maybe you should be working with pregnancy planning groups and education for young people having unwanted kids. I appreciate your concern for all children, but you are barking up the wrong tree if you think prop 8 will give that to society. Prop 8 is about who can marry, not about who can have children. Gay, straight, poor, uneducated, affluent… anyone can have a child whether they will make good parents or not. It sounds like you would be happy if a law passed that allows parenthood only for married heterosexual couples because, in your opinion, they make the best parents. How many fathers have sexually abused their little girls or beat their wives? Heterosexuals do not have a monopoly on good parenting. I can speak for that first hand. I used to wish I had two mothers. Yep, I wished my mother was a lesbian because I thought all men were mean. Frankly, I feel you don’t know what you’re talking about. Now it’s personal to me.
By the way, I respect your right to believe the way you do. I just don’t respect your right to pass a law to make everyone live your version of life.
Jennifer
Comment by jenstate — October 29, 2008 @ 9:02 am
First of all, I just wanted to give you major kudos for this passage: “There wasn’t the glib and happy feeling of “first love” – or a sense that he couldn’t stop thinking about a coveted young girl. It was all nerves – the feeling of having a blindfold over the eyes as one tries to navigate an unknown country… not speaking the language, or knowing the customs, and finding only failure, running into the brick wall at every turn.”
I’m a lesbian, and I find this passage to be such an eloquent description of what it felt like before I knew that about myself. Back when I tried to date men, there was always this very disconnected feeling, as if seeing things through a mask. Much as you describe, it was like mouthing the words to a foreign language, and frankly, the worst part wasn’t just realizing how much time and energy I wasted for myself, but realizing how unfair it was to the men who trusted me with their hearts.
Treating gays and lesbians like we’re less than human or less deserving of the same rights as everyone else doesn’t “cure” us of being gay. And, for people like Karyn, the fact is that we were ALL children once. Like it or not, your own children could grow up to be gay, regardless of you and your husband’s sexual identity, regardless of where you send them to school, and regardless of what church you attend. The only right you stand to lose is the “right” to prevent someone else from “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”
What I find most fascinating about the arguments against gay marriage is that they are so strikingly similar to the same arguments that were once made against interracial marriage. Few people realize this nowadays, but not so long ago the US had a little thing called “anti-miscegenation laws”, which were designed to keep non-whites from marrying whites. The now hugely diverse state of California OUTLAWED interracial marriage until 1948 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perez_v._Sharp). At the time, white Americans argued that legalizing interracial marriage would force churches to marry mixed couples, teach children that marriage between the races wasn’t an abomination before God, erode the foundation of traditional marriage, and destroy social morals.
Later, when Loving v. Virginia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loving_v._Virginia) was passed unanimously in 1967, declaring anti-miscegenation laws unconstitutional, people protested the Supreme Court’s decision, saying it should have been voted on instead. But the court made the point that, in the case of civil rights, sometimes the courts must take a stand and step in when a popular vote would result in upholding discrimination.
The first line of the court decision, which is based on the 14th amendment, reads, “Marriage is one of the “basic civil rights of man,” fundamental to our very existence and survival…. ”
Perhaps yesterday’s white supremacy is today’s heteronormativity.
Comment by Space Nakji — October 30, 2008 @ 6:28 am
Wait a minute aren’t the “yes on 8’s” suppose to be the bullies?
I’m feelin’ the love here. I can see that my statements have caused a frenzy, so I’ll make this last statement brief. I asked Sara if I could look at her blog and ask why she was voting the way she was. I did not come on here to preach or persecute, merely to let you see a view that perhaps you haven’t heard. I do not pretend to represent all of the people that are voting yes on 8. I simply wanted to state why I am voting yes on 8. I see the various reasons why each of you are voting no and I respect that.
I am sorry to hear that there are those of you who come from or are part of a broken home that has had a negative affect on you. On this subject Jen is absolutely correct that “I have no idea” about that. My father and mother still love and respect each other after nearly 40 years of marriage. And great suggestion about working with pregnancy planning groups, maybe after I raise my kids I’ll do that!
Space Nakji- Who knows, my children may turn out to be gay. Will I love them any less? No. But do I still believe marriage is meant to be between a man and a woman? Yes.
I do not stereotype those of you voting no on 8 because you all seem to have different reasons why this is so significant to you. I hope that if what you truly seek after is “equality for all” that this same equality and respect extends to those who don’t share your same views.
Comment by Karyn — October 30, 2008 @ 9:38 pm
I’d just like to add to keltic’s comments above that the Yes on Prop 8 funders are largely from the Mormon church headquartered in the state of Utah. Since when do Utahans get to re-write the constitution of another state? And re-write it in such a way as to make it discriminatory against LGBT people who want to marry?
I am straight; my child has many friends who have two parents of the same sex, and I have explained to my son many times that families come in all colors, shapes, sizes, and genders. That these devoted parents (or childless same-sex couples, for that matter) would be denied the right to marry is unconscionable to me. Separate is unequal.
Comment by cynematic — October 30, 2008 @ 10:22 pm
Karyn – I’m sorry if you feel like you’re being bullied. Though I’m not quite sure how citing relevant court cases and constitutional amendments amounts to bullying. It’s not like I stole a sign from your yard or threatened to publicly “out” you if don’t contribute money to a cause you don’t support.
But regarding your beliefs on marriage, I *do* respect the fact that your personal or religious beliefs differ from mine, and I genuinely harbor no stereotypes about who you are as a person. However, what you and others haven’t convinced me of is why your personal beliefs should define my civic rights.
Comment by Space Nakji — October 30, 2008 @ 11:55 pm
Karyn,
My parents have been married for 40 years also, but they don’t really love and respect each other as your parents do. Want to know why they are still married and raised their children in a volatile environment? Their religion doesn’t allow for divorce. Good ol’ christianity says don’t divorce and homosexuality is a sin, right? I’m not from a broken home, I’m just one of many examples of the “ideal” relationship not being ideal at all. It’s interesting to me that those of us from non-traditional backgrounds are more open and accepting of differences. I’m so happy that your parents had the ideal relationship, and it sounds like you were raised lovingly by heterosexual parents. That’s wonderful! Your good fortune, though, has shaped your views to include and approve of only those like you. I can absolutely appreciate your right to limit the sexual education of your children at school. I believe that is a separate issue from prop 8.
Comment by jenstate — October 31, 2008 @ 8:52 am
First off, I want to thank everyone for commenting here. Karyn, you are definitely in the minority, and I think any time that happens on a very personal and heated issue, it can feel like you are being attacked. However, I do think the general tone of each response was respectful, and I hope that you will continue to comment here, on this issue or any other – because it is important to hear the other side and know where it’s coming from.
On the education of children piece, I think that Karyn has a point, though I also think that in general the topic of children and education in relation to Prop 8 has been misconstrued by proponentsof Prop 8. California state law does not mandate any teaching on marriage, and in fact does mandate that any sexual education received by students by clearly laid out for parents, and that they be given the right to opt out of such education. This means that it would be against the LAW for California educators to discuss any sexual topic without notifying parents and giving them the opportunity to excuse their child. So a lot of the misinformation out there is disturbing. The fact that it has happened before in another state doesn’t really come to bear here as the state laws are different. There is always the case that some crazy person out there will ignore the law and teach what they want… but that can happen with anyone’s personal agenda at any time on any issue and is also not really a fair example.
What is fair though, is the point made by Space Nakji that there is much here that is like the anti-miscegenation laws. And this is where Karyn’s point does (I think) come into play. If Prop 8 does not pass, and gay marriage remains legal in California, I would argue that it will be a big step forward in the normalizing of the gay population in general. In my mind, they ARE deserving of equal rights, and over time, we (as a society) will come to view them as no different than heterosexual couples. Which means that there may very well come a day that in public schools children will be taught, as a matter of history and civics, that at one time, homosexuals were discriminated against based on their sexual orientation. That at one time, people fought to keep them from equal marriage rights based on a religious conception of marriage. To deny that there may be some long-range impact of this decision on the education of public school children is (I would argue) not intellectually honest.
However, I doubt very much that that would impact Karyn’s children. Local school districts mandate sexual education, so her initial tactic should be to remain locally very active in her children’s education, to make sure that her local district does not enact education which she finds offensive (though she’d still have the right to opt out).
I sincerely do not believe that as a culture we are close enough to full acceptance of homosexuals that this topic will enter the history books as part of a somewhat embarassing past of discrimination any time soon. It will take many years before we reach that point. But I do believe it is coming, and I do believe that this is an important step on that path. Karyn’s grandchildren might be affected, and she may still not agree that gay marriage deserves equal status. BTW, I also think it is not a tenable argument that a separate institution is equal.
Many years ago, those people who advocated against interracial marriage believed very strongly in their viewpoint, as do those who advocate against gay marriage today. I think there is a great parallel. And I think one day, history will view it the same. Though I’m guessing Karyn does not agree. And so, for her it is scary, to think that one day public schools may teach something so completely opposite her point of view. And I get that. I read somewhere out there in the blogoshpere that LDS church members may be distributing Yes on 8 pamphlets with their candy tonight. I’m honestly so sick at this thought… I’ve contemplated whether we should skip trick or treating at those homes that have Yes on 8 signs so that I can protect my children from their message.
But I’m going to credit this discussion with my determination to visit them anyway. I’m not even going to argue with them at the door. If it happens, we’ll bring the literature home, and have a discussion in which we explain that mommy and daddy think it’s okay for girls to marry girls and boys to marry boys, but that not everyone agrees…. and that we’re all voting on Tuesday for what we believe in. Because ultimately, I think our family will have the biggest influence on my children’s beliefs on this issue — Certainly my family has shaped my belief, and Karyn’s hers, and Jen’s hers….
Happy Halloween to all..
Comment by saracallow — October 31, 2008 @ 10:54 am
Sara, This comment is from your Mother.
How beautifully you presented a picture of your father. It was accurate. He is today that wonderful caring father that he has been from the beginning.
Regardless of the way it happened, know that while painful, the realization of his sexual orientation did never change the nature of this kind and caring father. While our lives have moved appropriately on, our common love for you and your brother remains essential to the friendship we have. I wish I lived where I could vote No.
Mom
Comment by MOM — October 31, 2008 @ 11:40 am
[...] Having been such a vocal opponent of Prop 8, and having written so personally about it here, it only seemed logical to my few remaining followers (since I now blog so infrequently!) that I [...]
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